The weather has been upsetting for the past few days, it's either pouring or drizzling, the sun has seemed to stop shining, it's becoming like Seattle, I guess. It's four in the morning and I'm still up reading my notes while listening to Duet by Rachael Yamagata to accompany me through this late night/early morning silence I'm experiencing in this room. I'm wrapped like a pao in my cardigan and a throw, with no other options but to sit on the carpeted floor because the bed was fully occupied as soon as I came back from my five minutes smoke break.
Whenever I listen to the entire album of Elephants... Teeth Sinking into Heart, it never fails to trigger my heartstrings. Recently, I found someone (other than Lips), who speaks similar or maybe exactly the same language as me, things that I have been thinking deeply and perhaps things that I'll never understand. Ginger said, "I can't deal with commitment or shit like that.", and in my mind I thought, "I am incapable of loving". Ginger once said, "I have stopped expecting anything from anyone for the longest time.", and that without any hesitation I concurred and added on, "because no expectations means no disappointment.", so we concluded that no doubt life has became more carefree without expectations. Ginger asked, "Have you ever been in love, and how does it feels to be in love?" I thought about it for a while, with thoughts running in my mind about my last love, or what I thought it was love or something that felt a lot like love, and then I replied with sadness in my voice, "Yeah, I guess.. Love made me crazy and I hated it.".
What exactly does love feels like? Ist it supposed to be filled with joy and fun, plus a pinch of jealousy, possessiveness, craziness (all in a good way, of course)? Given an analogy where I can be seeing a particular person that I truly like, someone whom I can click and be comfortable with, and the feelings reciprocate as well, ultimately the question is, will it eventually become love, or it is just a temporary shelter seeking for companionship?
As of date, I have been living by own set of rules, 1) Never fall in love, 2) Avoid bitterness, and 3) Never cry a river (tearing is fine). These have had bubble wrapped everything pretty well so far and I've gained insights of how redundant a boyfriend/girlfriend is after observing people around me fall in and out of "love". I personally feel that we can just scrap the idea of having someone, so we can give up caring and start learning to love yourself better. Then again, to each of his own, my two cents worth could be completely bullshit to you, but I'll probably leave it to fate to do the job.
Whenever I listen to the entire album of Elephants... Teeth Sinking into Heart, it never fails to trigger my heartstrings. Recently, I found someone (other than Lips), who speaks similar or maybe exactly the same language as me, things that I have been thinking deeply and perhaps things that I'll never understand. Ginger said, "I can't deal with commitment or shit like that.", and in my mind I thought, "I am incapable of loving". Ginger once said, "I have stopped expecting anything from anyone for the longest time.", and that without any hesitation I concurred and added on, "because no expectations means no disappointment.", so we concluded that no doubt life has became more carefree without expectations. Ginger asked, "Have you ever been in love, and how does it feels to be in love?" I thought about it for a while, with thoughts running in my mind about my last love, or what I thought it was love or something that felt a lot like love, and then I replied with sadness in my voice, "Yeah, I guess.. Love made me crazy and I hated it.".
What exactly does love feels like? Ist it supposed to be filled with joy and fun, plus a pinch of jealousy, possessiveness, craziness (all in a good way, of course)? Given an analogy where I can be seeing a particular person that I truly like, someone whom I can click and be comfortable with, and the feelings reciprocate as well, ultimately the question is, will it eventually become love, or it is just a temporary shelter seeking for companionship?
As of date, I have been living by own set of rules, 1) Never fall in love, 2) Avoid bitterness, and 3) Never cry a river (tearing is fine). These have had bubble wrapped everything pretty well so far and I've gained insights of how redundant a boyfriend/girlfriend is after observing people around me fall in and out of "love". I personally feel that we can just scrap the idea of having someone, so we can give up caring and start learning to love yourself better. Then again, to each of his own, my two cents worth could be completely bullshit to you, but I'll probably leave it to fate to do the job.
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